I awoke early this morning from a startling dream where the world was on fire and I was on the run. In the dream, I was not myself, but instead, a young boy, driven from his home and searching for safety. When I opened my eyes, my bedroom was still the deep black of morning and Sean was still gone. I went downstairs to make my coffee and turn up the thermostat, determined to shake the nightmare and begin my day fresh.
Today, June and I will travel to Arkansas to visit old friends. It has been one year since I’ve traveled alone with her and I am unsure what to expect. So much has changed in this year… but I am hopeful that she will still enjoy sitting on my lap and watching the world from above. She has always been such a good bird.
Everyday it seems June is saying more words than the day before. Her development is like that, I am learning, radio silence for days and then a giant explosion of noise. On Monday, as Crissy was preparing to leave my house, June raced after her with arms raised high in the air yelling “hug.” I have never heard her say this before and jokingly I told Crissy I didn’t know if I was happy or jealous to hear it in this circumstance.
Last night after dinner, we went outside (or “side” as June says) and spent some hours in our yard. After months of cold weather and nothing to do in the darkened evening hours, the warm evening was greatly appreciated. Up and down the slide June went as I finished raking, setting up our yard furniture and retrieving the rest of her outdoor toys. The simplicity of the evening left me feeling like this house is truly my home and for the first time in a while, it felt completely natural to plan and think about our future here. At the same time I wondered if Sean was planning a different vision of the future far away from here. Soon enough, he will return and our plans will find a balanced version. The world always seem balanced with hm by side. Until then we will travel the skies and wait for his return.