The bones of this old house creak in the cold mornings, as if they are hesitant to wake up. I get it, I whisper to the floors as I quickly put my slippers on and turn up the thermostat. It stays dark long into the morning now, with only the snow outside reflecting light back into the darkened rooms. I ask June where the sun has gone, to which she responds by putting her hands in the air looking confused and muttering something that sounds like, “where is he?”
Despite the deadened season outside our windows, everyone and everything seems to be growing in this home. Sean is taking chances at work, braving the unknown and challenging himself. It is exciting to watch him walk an unknown path. I wonder if he knows how much I believe in him? I am guilty of not always verbalizing these thoughts and so I consciously remind myself to tell him more often.
June is flourishing, too. Every day it seems she is saying something new, trying something she didn’t the day before, sinking deeper into imaginative play and relying less on my company for entertainment. I love to sit and watch her play with her dolls, the careful precision she takes of covering them and recovering them with blankets, picking them up and comforting them, “sh sh sh”, she repeats. She has become a sweet little mama and it makes my heart full to see how deeply she can love.
Admittedly, even I appear to be blossoming in these new winter months (although my time spent self-reflecting seems less and less these days). I’m never sure if this is a good or a bad thing, the little time I have to think about myself. I have always had this theory that the happier we are, the less we over-think. Over the course of this year, I have grown to feel comfortable and confident in my days. I am more patient than ever, more carefree about the little things, less concerned about what the world thinks or says. We have found a balance in our little family by my staying home, although it took some time to feel steadied by it all. The more confident I become, the more ready I begin to feel to add more balls into our juggling routine.
Now as the snow piles fresh outside, we begin to think about warmer weather. Sean and I have always been guilty of restlessness. Parenthood has not slowed down our urge to travel and explore this world. The only difference is that now, with the addition of June, our adventures must be better planned. There is a packing list and someone else’s needs to consider other than our own.
I bought a picture last week for our home that reads, “we are living our adventure” and I believe this to be true. However, soon after the picture was hung, it took at great fall, shattering everywhere; an event I found great irony in. There is no such thing as perfect. A framed picture laying broken on the ground is proof of that. The reality is that everything these days is an adventure if you choose to look at it this way.
I pour my cup of coffee and one for Sean, too. I am ready for a morning at home, looking at the cold world outside. The furnace turns on again and I sink beneath a blanket on the couch, right where I want to be.