I sit in the quiet of the morning and look out our office window. The plants are wet with last night’s storm, quenching their growing pains in the last days of summer weather. There are no children walking to school this dark Friday morning. Outside, passing cars drive over puddles that splash water with a vengeance back into our front yard. Upstairs, June sleeps on Sean’s chest, mirroring one another’s deep morning breaths. Soon enough they will rise for the morning, looking for food, but for now I embrace the chance to look inward and write.
It was Sean’s first week back at work. And although his office is in the house and I can call upon him if I need help, I found a small victory in June Bea and I surviving our first week.
My sister called to say that according to June Bea’s birthday, her spirit animal is a baby brown bear. I imagine Sean and I as bears as well; I see him catching our food from the stream of entrepreneurship, while I forage the woods for berries, teaching my small one beside me to pick with caution and enjoy your findings along the way. I anticipate the weekend when the three of us can lay in the grass and forget our responsibilities. Living in a cave has it perks, but eventually, we all crave sunshine.
I look at our schedule for the day and notice that the late morning is reserved for two appointments. How one small child can already be so busy blows my mind. Thankfully, the afternoon belongs to me and her. And those are the moments I look forward to the most. The truth is that although the quiet of the morning refreshes me, it is not currently the moment that satisfies me. Before June Bea, I didn’t understand the difference between these two things: refreshment and satisfaction. And although they are different, they are both essential to the sanity of my self, balancing me like spices on a kitchen scale. The older June Bea gets, the larger our family grows, the more appointments we schedule, the more important it will be for me and Sean to balance our refreshment and satisfaction levels. But for now, I will take the quiet of the morning and finish my coffee, focusing on what is and leaving this afternoon to take care of itself.