The sky is blue today and so I open my windows to celebrate, letting the cross breeze cool the kitchen as I cut vegetables for tonight’s dinner. June, crabby and sick and possibly teething too, is taking an early nap today after dumping her pretzels on the living room floor and crying as she picked them back up, one after the other. I told her that it was okay to feel upset, sometimes we all just want to cry. Then, I plucked her from the floor like she does the tulips in our front garden, stripped off her red Converse and carried her to her crib. When all else fails, sleep is always a good healer.
It took nearly two days of heavy lifting, but finally, all but ten rocks have been removed from our side yard and lined neatly around our flower gardens. I have bold intentions of transforming our side yard into a quiet sanctuary for our family, where no one in the neighborhood can see us. It is always exciting when your vision begins to take form. Now, with the heavy lifting aside begins the hard work of small details that will require the attention of me and June in the afternoon sunshine.
I think of my life here in this place like a dream I once had. How did we get here? And how long will it last? These days, it seems that I spend my time as a parent building rock walls to protecting the one I hold most dear; always holding my breath that nothing should ever come crashing down upon her. Who will this girl become?
I imagine years from now what June will think of the women I have surrounded myself with: my group of sisters whose bond does not depend on things like blood. I think of them as I move the rocks around my yard, the memories of long ao flooding into the present. It takes very little work to maintain true friendships, this is what my thirties are teaching me. There is minimal effort involved in a quick text or phone call while driving to the grocery store. Because of these lessons, I am challenging myself to only return my energy to the ones who share theirs with me, slowly separating myself from others I once called True. I have a daughter that I am teaching to grow into a woman. The friendships that I forge today become the examples of female strength that she will see in the years to come. So, I will build my walls of friendship with the intention to create a strong foundation for her. Being a parent is never easy, but neither is being a woman.
I finish preparing my dinner and escape to the outdoors again, wanting to soak in every moment of Spring that I possibly can. The weather is predicting rain in the days to come, so I lift my chin to the sky and close my eyes. Sunshine like Sleep heals all.